My flight to start my 3 month adventure took off at 10:45 AM this morning. I said my normal goodbyes to my parents and my dog, tired on a 6 hour sleep due to my procrastination when I pack. Last night, I spent at an Omakase sushi experience that was put on by my mother’s friend. We sat around at a small table while sushi chefs from Japan overflowed our plates with expertly sliced fish on top of warm rice flown out and fished from the Japanese ocean. I spent my night talking to my mother’s Japanese friends — all shocked and excited for me to go on this adventure by myself. In broken Japanese I told them my plans and one by one, they would gasp in amazement. Contrarily, one of her friend’s husband was loudly lecturing me about politics and how the next 4 years are going to be amazing. Asked me “why would you want to leave in a time where America is going to prosper into an even better country than it already is?”. I tuned him out to the imagined sounds of eating pad Thai and drinking mango smoothies on the beaches of southern Thailand. The fact that there was red wine in my cup helped with that of course. 

I tend to drown out tough situations with a little bit of alcohol. I used to be much worse. In college, I would write papers drunk because I thought it would make crafting them a bit easier. One of my freshmen roommates told me this little tidbit, and I would follow her lead. Together, we would hunt down a bottle of barefoot wine in hopes that it would turn us into Albert Einstein or some other genius. 

I think It worked one time but then all of the other times I would end up passed out on my bed after an hour. I would wake up with a headache and regret laced acid bubbling in my stomach. 

Now, I don’t drink much. My weekends consist of writing and eating good food. Not to say that I don’t enjoy a drink every once in a while, but alcohol doesn’t blend with my blood like it used to. I’m grateful that I was able to scale back in that way. I know that some aren’t so lucky. 

Today, the flight attendants came around with their drink carts and I thought to. On a normal airline, I would get ginger ale AKA the “champagne of the skies”. But today, I am flying Japan Airlines and one thing about them, is that they have unlimited alcohol in those innocent looking little carts. They ask me with their perfect placed hairstyles what I want to drink. They hand me a menu and it is filled with free alcoholic options. And how can I resist saying no to that on a 10 hour flight where there was turbulence expected? 

I saw that about 2 days ago, there was a tragic American Airlines flight that went down due to a freak accident where the plane collided with a military helicopter. It’s made me more anxious to fly today. Since deciding to go on this trip, there have been multiple freak aviation accidents. There was one back home, one in Korea (that came from Thailand), one in Kazakstan and now one in America going to Washington DC. On this flight, there were many children who were competing in the finals competition of the US Skating Team. Many of them won first place in their categories. Lots of them just posted hours before the accident in celebration of their wins. All they wanted to do was skate and have fun and enjoy their youth. It reminds me how cruel life is. And how scary life is. And although I know planes are statistically much safer than cars, I can’t help but let my fear of flying sneak it’s way into my throat and snatch my breath away at times. 

I drink my white wine to drown out my fear of flying. I drink more as turbulence crawls its way through the plane. The “fasten your seatbelt sign” flashes on as the planes thumps and bumps and I close my eyes and drink my wine andwait for it to stop. I focus on breathing in and out, in and out, in and out because that is the one thing I have control over. What comes out of my mouth is boozy breath. Cheap wine laced breath. Tipsy Turbulence. But hey, it got me through it so whose to judge right? 

I’m thinking about those kids a lot. I’m thinking about the parents that were on the flight along with their children that they were so proud of. I’m thinking of the coaches that were on the flight that helped them skate and spin to the top. Some were even olympic medalists. I’m thinking about the everyday person on that flight that just wanted to make it to make it Washington DC. And they almost did. They were 20 minutes away. I hope that they are in a better place now — skating and laughing and being kids and humans together in a place better than this one. 

I hope that I don’t have to be tipsy during every turbulent time to calm myself. Although I know that there will be turbulent times during this trip, I am hopeful that I will learn from each one. And I am hopeful that each destination I land in will be equally as smooth as well.